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Reflections on Abuse

Find it hard to say the word Pussy or Cock without a smirk, as if your genitals were a joke, poking fun at the sacredness of your SEX?

Me Too.

Sitting at home wondering if you’ll ever truly love again, whether there is really such thing as “the one” or if you’re done with Disney romance and dreams of ballroom dance and matching checkered pants?

Me Too.

Smelling the fresh air and hearing the cries of passing birds and rumble of passing cars.

Watching the sunset and the grass wet and no-one’s holding you yet?

Me Too.

Dreaming of the one who touches you gently and holds your hand and your heart, pressing their lips against yours, both your hearts racing and eyes gazing and skin grazing so softly, softly, electric.

Me Too.

Dreaming of the one who keeps you safe, protects you, nurturing. The one who fights for you when you can’t fight for yourself.

Me Too.

Realising what you’ve been calling sex all your life has been often devoid of Love, Pleasure, Safety or Connection? A painful reflection.

There were some decent components, a few lovely moments.....a few that weren’t performances or fulfilment of expectations, drunken fumbles or disappointing rumbles. That’s enough right? No?

Me Too.

Remembering the ones that let you down, shut you down, played around, now no-where to be found. Haunted.  Hearts closed. Isolated. Detached from Love. Numb. Saves tears falling or fists flying or screams that shatter glass and shatter hearts. Devoid of feeling. It’s safer here. Like a faded memory we keep locked in the drawer. Time for wine, chocolate, a cigarette, Netflix, anything but feeling.

Me Too.

Pass the peanut butter.

Uncomfortable when looked at in that way, when touched by them today. Arms close across your chest. Legs tighten. Face frozen. Breathing Stops. Put on your best fake smile. Look strong. It’ll pass. Just keep holding, hoping they don’t come closer. Wonder if you could fight, run, say something clever. Wonder if you’re asking for it. Wonder what you did wrong. Words get stuck.  Just keep wondering. Everything’s fine when you’re thinking. So what if your body is screaming. It’s ok, you can’t hear it. Just please don’t feel.  It’s no big deal. Feels safer being small.

You can breathe later.

Me Too.

Remember that time when the world felt safe and no-one had an agenda for you but you? Where you didn’t need to perform or achieve or look attractive and where everyone respected you to make the right decisions for yourself and supported you to feel your feelings.

No?

Think back further?

Anything?

Me Too.

Remember the time you said you needed to talk. That you weren’t feeling happy....and nobody listened. Shimmering tears in the moonlight, stolen and wiped on a sleeve. Lonely, except for the chocolate or snuggly jumper or 10 mile run. You don’t need anyone else really. You body becomes your fortress. Armoured. Holding pain that becomes your normal. You don’t even notice the tension until you snap.

Me Too.

Remember when you weren’t strong enough to say no and you went along with it? Prefer not to?

Me Too.

Remember the time you said no and they didn’t stop?

Me Too.

Remember when you hoped that hand wouldn’t go there. Prayed it would stay still. Then it moves.

Wriggling your body now helps. You’ve frozen like you did then.

Please remember to breathe.

Me too.

Remember the time you buried your head to muffle the screams and the cries thinking this is what you have to do to receive love?

Remember the blood.

Remember the shame and the pain.

God forbid you felt pleasure.

Better learn to leave your body.

Me too.

 

Remember the time you spoke up and everyone showered you with opinions and their feelings and things that needed doing or talked about the weather as if you never existed and you wondered whether you really mattered and anyone cared?

Me Too.

Remember the moment you realised you conflated love and abuse.

Remember when you saw clearly the beliefs you took on as a vulnerable child and how you’ve carried them into your adulthood like a tonne of bricks, weighing you down and flipping you over like a prized victim for people to sink their teeth and their cocks and their hands into.

Me Too.

Remember when you realised this wasn’t forever and that life can begin again? When you learned about boundaries and self-worth, about communication and integration? Where you realised the body holds the score and there is more to life than survival and you chose to let go, to flow. You chose your revival?

Me Too.

That’s why I do this work.

It Ends here.

Sexuality.  Integrity.  Freedom.

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The first step starts with reaching out. Please get in touch to let me know you are interested in doing your inner work. I offer a free 20 min Zoom introductory call if I’m able to accommodate you as a new or potential new client. I look forward to hearing from you.

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"The body is our soul made visible, plus our history."

Mike Lousada, Founder of Psychosexual Somatics® Therapy

“Place yourself in the cycle of life by living like nature, letting go of the death of your winter (older or outdated versions of yourself) as you are reborn into a new shape of possibility, your spring.”

Anne Davin, PhD

"Out of difficulties grow miracles.” 

Jean De La Bruyere

"Our nervous system is built to respond to certain input in a way that gives us maximum survival.” 

Michaela Boehm

"There is a voice that doesn't use words. Listen.” 

Rumi

"Emma has a very compassionate heart and a strong sense of empathy, both of which she uses to lovingly support clients to drop more fully into their bodies. She is open-minded, non-judgmental and can safely hold space for many states and experiences and help clients ground and integrate different aspects of themselves. She is an excellent PST practitioner and I warmly recommend her."

Mike Lousada, Founder of Psychosexual Somatics Therapy

"Emma Harper's passion for transformation - both in herself and in her clients - matches her enthusiasm for life. I admire her wild feminine courage to dive head first into the cutting edges of all her lines of development, and as she does, others are inspired to do the same. The result ... Freedom. Vitality. Synchronicity. Sensuality. Magic. Miracles. Yes!"

Lissa Rankin, MD

"Experiencing with Emma as my psychosexual somatic therapist is strong feeling of being held, seen and supported in my healing process. I feel safe and supported with Emma to trully express my emotions and feelings. She has strong empathy and I adore her body intuition to help me to connect to myself and listen to my body and dont let me to escape. I can hardly explain how good it feels when she hold safe and powerful space for me to guide me to release blocks and integrate part of myself I was rejecting. It is life shifting work we do together (for each other). Thank you Emma for your great work. I look forward to more release and more integration with you."

Barbora Koblizek, (Tantric Masseuse and Fellow PST Therapist)

"Working with Emma was a wonderfully nurturing and empowering experience. I'm really grateful for what she taught me about my body and sexuality. I was amazed by the variety of techniques that Emma used to help me understand my body and mind. I've learnt things about myself that have helped me in all areas of my life, not just the bedroom!” 

Miranda Bloodworth

I really enjoyed the Unravelling Peak Performance workshop. I met a group of nice gentlemen, we shared our stories and experiences sometimes with bravery and always with open heart, learnt about each other, and most importantly made progress in being better men and better partners. I loved how Emma facilitated the workshop, bringing us where she wanted in a gentle and loving way. I highly recommend this workshop to everyone who is on his journey to be a better man.

JJ Munsch, 2020 Unravelling Peak Performance workshop participant

"Powerful and transformative - what I learned was well beyond any expectations. Emma is a brilliant facilitator who created the space and material for us to grow rapidly whilst having fun."

Anthony Kennon

Emma held a space for me which allowed me to feel safe, seen and deeply valued. Her gentle directions and guidance allowed me to access parts of myself that I had been frightened to look at on my own. Being supported by Emma has enabled me to make positive changes in my life from an embodied place. 

Grace Brown, PST Mentee

Emma, I am grateful that you were my mentor. You attuned really well to what I needed in the mentor sessions. You are very good in paraphrasing what is really important in such a way that that it sinks deeper. You have the gift of being able to really see people in their essence, in what makes them unique. You have a great intuition, and you bring that kind of safety that invites me to bring what wants to be seen, even when that is very vulnerable. And you always give choice, which feels very empowering. 

Thank you very much. Warm hugs

Karen. PST Mentee

 "The powerful yet vulnerable way Emma guided and mirrored me in my intimate process of growth has been a very insightful and remarkable journey."  

Piero Flor, Intimacycoach

"I have come out of it a changed woman. I have dropped the old stories of something being wrong with me and that I am not sexual. I am able to stand in my power and in the sexual energy without always wanting to run away from it."

“ I still want to work more on it, to uncover more of me that has been in hiding for so long. But I will be doing the work in the knowledge that I am not broken or frigid, I am not any of the labels I have been called over the years. I am a healthy, sexual woman who chooses when and with whom she wants to share that energy with. I know now that my sexuality is not always connected to someone else, that I am a sexual being in my own right and that it doesn't have to include anyone else. That is a revelation for me!" 

Louise Merrick; Mother, Writer, Women's Sexual Expression Programme 2019 Graduate

“ I felt so seen, heard and supported with Emma as my PST mentor, I cannot recommend her enough. She has a gentle and caring presence combined with intelligence that feels very unique, she helped build my confidence and empowered me to trust my instincts. “ 

Alakina Mann, Mentee

"Emma rocks!!"

...and....

Emma has a safe, grounded and beautifully heart centred presence. She welcomed all parts of me into the space; the tender, the crazy, the angry, the sexy, the sleepy, the powerful...the full spectrum of being human. She has a lot of wisdom across different modalities and her approach integrates mind, body and spirit at a pace that my psyche was ready to open to. During our sessions, I was particularly thankful that she has an understanding of sexual energy/life-force energy and an awareness of the spiritual awakening process. 

Eshana Spiers

Emma's attention and skill over the last six months as a mentor and PST therapist has allowed me to feel safely held, seen, heard and respected through the process of our work together. Her being a mentor throughout my training was a major resource to me. I experienced her energy as boldly protective. Fiery and strong, yet compassionate; she has an amazing ability to understand a variety of experiences in a very open-minded way. She helped me to slow things right down and to get me to feel what was going on for me beneath the surface. 

Emma taught me to hold my own in identifying behaviour that was not ok and to set boundaries within my life that have proved to be so transformative for me. Her creative and playful energy also assisted me in forming a deeper relationship with my body in a way that lifted some of the heaviness I had been experiencing.

I am deeply honoured to have had Emma as a support during a monumental time in my life. Thank you Emma!

Sofia Panayiotou, PST Coach and Energy Work Practitioner

“I worked quite intensively with Emma over a period of 6 months or so. I found her to be a practitioner of great depth and empathy. Her ability to find just the right gesture, the right word, the right moment to say nothing at all, allowed me to go very deep into my inner processing of trauma from my past. During the time that I was under Emma’s care, I released some of the biggest trauma wounding patterns of my life. I can honestly say, that I am a different person since I completed this work with Emma. I feel that I have my life back. You are very lucky to find this wonderful practitioner. She has a very great capacity to hold you in your process, if you are willing to do your own work”

Karin Probert

Emma has an unparalleled ability to hear the meaning behind what I say and guide me to understand it. She has helped transform my sense of myself and my relationship. Her work is life-changing. She is a gift. 

Anonymous, civil servant, 40 (but in remarkably good shape for it)